The grandiose of marriage

Sure, the matrix isn’t perfect. But we can do our bit to edge it closer to perfection and here’s how. If you’re an Indian, single and planning to get married in the near future, you’ll fit in here like a dream. We do have a problem with our Indian marriage system and I hope to address it here and get some sparks flying.

Every single day, thousands of Indians say “I do” over a 2-3 day grand celebration where they spend more money on flower decorations than it takes to build a frikkin’ elementary school, cater exquisite three course meals to a whole lot of people who they don’t even know and pay loads of cash to big fat iyers who chant mantras which they don’t understand. If we don’t think ahead and avoid this ridiculous waste of money which can be spent very, very constructively towards our society, what justification are we doing to our education??

Forget the lavish expenditure for a second and think about the bride’s parents. Isn’t it unfair that they have to save for the daughters’ marriages all their lives and become paupers by spending all that money on a marriage celebration? Sure, it’s their fault, not ours but think about it this way. If you had a daughter and if all of her friends’ marriages were as grand as hell, would you let your daughter’s marriage pale in comparison? The “system”, as it is, gives no option to the bride’s parents and they walk into a certain disaster by calling it a “sugamana sumai” (enjoyable burden).

Isn’t this just an indirect form of dowry, if you will? Sure, you’re not getting any dowry but what the hell’s up with the bride’s brother giving the guys watches, gold chains and gold rings? If that’s not dowry, what else is it? A pricey token of love from your brother-in-law? It happens even today in every single marriage and it happened at my brother’s marriage too. How about all the clothes (pattu veshties and pattu sattais) that the girls’ families give to the guys side? Oh wait, that’s just a friendly gesture, right?

Isn’t it high time that we changed this craziness? Think about how else you could spend that money. Think about how many kids you can educate if you donated even 10% of a typical marriage expense. You know what they say: “give a man a fish and you feed him today; teach a man how to fish and you feed him everyday”; why can’t we have simple marriages arranged at our residences with 15-20 people that matter the most to us and make our vows?

Honestly, how many of us know what “mangalyam thandhu nanena” means? How many of us know what “ammi midhithal and arundhadhi paarthal” means? Do we even care? NO!! Does it matter to you if you don’t have 2000 people eating food and wishing “long live this couple?” The truth is, most of the time, people just crib about the lack of pineapple rasam or the jamuns being too sweet. Does any of this extravaganza make sense to you?

If you’re thinking “its impossible to change the system”, I beg thee to open your eyes to the world around you. 10 years ago, if you had suggested online match making to your parents, they would have merely laughed at you; Today, thousands of people are finding their soul mates online. The days of “parisam pottufying” and “ponnu patthufying” is over too, at least in the metropolitan areas. The guy and the girl meet up informally and things proceed from there on. That’s how I’ll meet my fiancé, that’s how you’ll meet yours, I’m sure. The only thing that’s permanent is change, isn’t it?

Here’s the final word. Are we being non-conformist, idealistic beings in proposing this change? No!! Its our duty to make our society better instead of complaining about it. All we do is crib; we crib about corrupt politicians, poor traffic regulation, bribes, inequality to women, goondas ruling our cities, relatives who gossip, the weather and even lack of cleanliness but we aren’t doing much about it. This is the first step; take care of your home first and the country will take care of itself. If we eliminate silly traditions of this nature and do our bit towards providing education for the less fortunate, India would be a much better country.

You can call me a hypocrite and ask me why I’m sitting here in the US, instead of doing something to improve India. I am doing my part, I am donating whenever I can (not just on my birthdays) and I am rebelling at my home against this marriage ritual. Its not easy but my mom’s slowing giving in; With a little bit of effort, we can be the first generation to eliminate this absurdity and we all know its very, very possible to raise the red flag because our parents know that its our happiness that matters, ultimately.